


Let Me Live

by Glon_Morski



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-09
Updated: 2012-09-09
Packaged: 2017-11-13 22:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glon_Morski/pseuds/Glon_Morski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why don't you take another little piece of my heart? Why don't you take it and break it and tear it all apart. All you do is take, all I do is give. Baby why don't you give me a brand new start? So let me live..."</p><p>Inuyasha stared as he watched Kagome sing, certain it was her who wrote those lyrics. But why would she write such a  heartbreaking song? He decided he needed to find out. The only problem was, he was in no way prepared to actually hear what the problem was, much less to deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Live

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or the Song ‘Let me Live’. The first one belongs to Takahashi Rumiko-san and the second to the great band Queen.**

**Just a one-shot I wrote on the last day of vacation, since I couldn’t help but think that this song really fit the whole Inuyasha-Kagome-Kikyo triangle and how Kagome could possibly think if she ever had the guts to try and move on from Inuyasha.**

**This is an AU-fic, in case you haven’t already noticed. There are demons and half-demon there, though. And everyone is around the age of twenty, except for Miroku – he’s older, being the only one who had already finished college.**

**Hope you enjoy :]**

**Many thanks to KAnna 37 for edits :]**

****~*~*~*~*~*~*** **

_Let Me Live_

The screams of the crowd were deafening, especially to one such as him. Holding back a grimace, the silver haired man flattened his ears against his scalp, trying to keep the noise to a minimum, fearing what would happen when the band actually got on stage. But then again, he had been at many concerts just like this one and survived, as had his ears, so there was no real reason for this time to be any different.

Of course, knowing those few details people would wonder – why was he so afraid for his hearing? And how exactly did he flatten his ears against his scalp? It wasn’t humanly possible, after all. But the thing was, Hinoiri Inuyasha was no human. He was a hanyō, as shown by his naturally silver-white shining hair, his golden eyes, the exceptionally sharp claws and the fangs. But mostly, it was visible because of his ears – his relatively small, white, furry puppy ears that sat at the crown of his head. Well, normally they did. Now, they were flattened against his scalp.

But his inhumanity wasn’t noticeable only by his looks. He had stronger senses than any human, too, especially where his sense of smell was concerned. Being a dog-hanyō, his nose was good as any dog’s. Only certain full inu-yōkai had better noses than his. His hearing was also noticeably better than any human’s. And that was why he was currently suffering, trying to drown out most of the screaming and the whistles.

Suddenly, he felt vibrations in one of his pockets and he nearly jumped in surprise before shaking his head at his own stupidity and reaching for his phone to see who was calling him. The Caller ID was one he was seeing very often lately. _Kikyo_ , it said. Sighing, he pressed the ‘decline’ button and swiftly typed a text to her.

‘ _I’ll call you later. Am at a concert. Too loud,_ ’ he wrote swiftly, a small smile gracing his features. Not even two minutes later, he received a reply, a simple ‘ _Alright, have fun,_ ’ with a smiley. His smile widened as he once again pocketed his phone and waited for the show to commence, though his mind now wandered to Kikyo.

She had been his girlfriend since middle school. They had lasted until she had to move away during one of the last years of high school and while at first they had tried to keep going even then, in the end, their relationship fell apart. She had been the one to end it, saying that it had no chance of survival. He had pleaded with her not to, he had promised her he would wait for her, but it hadn’t helped. They broke up and for a while, he thought he could never be happy again. It changed swiftly, though. He had been happy, though deep down he knew he had never let go of Kikyo. And it turned out it was a good thing, too, for she had moved back just last year. They’d been quick to reconnect and she had admitted that she never stopped loving him and had missed him. They were still going steady now.

Then, there was _her_. The girl Inuyasha met in high school while Kikyo was away. She had been the new girl and was in his class. Inuyasha had been the one assigned to her for the first couple of days to help her adjust to the new school, find her way around etc. He hadn’t liked that at first, especially with his crumbling relationship with Kikyo to think about. The fact that she looked like she was Kikyo’s twin didn’t help matters much, either.

But funnily enough, somehow, Higurashi Kagome managed to not be put off by his gruff attitude and his cold demeanor. They had become friends. Really good friends, in fact. He smiled as he thought of their time together. Kagome was his best friend, if he ever had any. He could hardly imagine what it would be like if she ever left – he felt like he knew her his whole life already.

His smile faded then. Something had changed not long ago. Kagome had that unusual, sad aura about her. It put him off. But whenever he asked her what was wrong, she smiled and said it was nothing. He knew she was lying. So he tried to pry, because he wanted her to feel better. But it never worked. He sighed.

The only time he ever saw her happy anymore were at those concerts. Yes, they were her concerts. Right after graduating high school, Kagome had started a business in a band. Actually, they had started long before graduation, so they were plenty popular already. Ever since he found out, he made a point to always come to her concerts. He loved to see the way she smiled as she sang and sometimes even danced on stage. He loved hearing her voice. She was made to be a singer, of that Inuyasha was certain.

The lights flared to life suddenly, illuminating the stage as the crowd started cheering again, much louder this time, effectively deafening him and making him cringe as the band came on stage. And there she was, in all of her glory – his best friend and the lead singer of Shikon Miko, Higurashi Kagome with her trademark smile on her face. Gods, how long has it been since he saw that smile and knew it wasn’t forced or strained? His eyes saddened at the thought. If only he knew what was bugging her the last couple of weeks. But she never told him. How could he help if he didn’t know what was wrong?

“Hey there! I see you’re ready to get this show on the road, aren’t you?” her angelic voice filled his ears as she screamed into the mike so she could be heard over the crowds yells and screams, which only got louder as the people tried to respond to her. With his superior eyes, Inuyasha saw her frame tremble in laughter, her black hair moving in an almost hypnotizing way around her slender frame, her curve-hugging clothing leaving little to the imagination, really. He growled slightly when he took note of that. He knew that she couldn’t very well cover herself up entirely given her line of work, but did her clothes have to be this tight? He hated the way he knew many males were ogling her. She was quite the sight, after all.

“I can’t hear you!” Kagome yelled again, her gray-blue eyes sparkling with mirth, though not even Inuyasha had eyes good enough to see that. She was in her element. It was the only moment she could truly be herself and not be disappointed in what she saw, and she reveled in it, knowing it would be short-lived – a mere few hours before they sang all the songs they had planned. Though, hopefully, when they got to the last one, she’d have gotten a message across.

She smiled as the crowd yelled even louder in answer, her eyes scanning the many faces looking up at her. She wasn’t looking for anyone in particular, but that didn’t matter, for she found someone who she couldn’t look away from, anyway. It always happened. Inuyasha just had that effect on her. No matter how big the crowd, she always found him in it and couldn’t look away for the life of her.

He had stolen her heart, had taken it without her knowing and by the time she noticed, she didn’t care enough to demand he give it back. But now, it was different. Even if she did demand it, he simply refused. He kept it to himself… but the problem was, he didn’t take really good care of it. Not that he was even aware of it, anyway. In fact, he didn’t know a thing. She had made sure of it.

She had fallen for him. Hard. She wasn’t even planning on denying it. She loved him. But he loved another.

She had always known. Ever since they first met, ever since he reluctantly started considering her his friend, he didn’t hide the fact that he was taken – he had a girlfriend. And a beautiful one at that. Of course, Kagome knew her and Kikyo shared similarities, but in her own eyes, she could never compare to the calm young woman. Or maybe it was in Inuyasha’s eyes? Kagome didn’t know anymore.

The fact remained, she had always known. And when Inuyasha had revealed to her back in the last year of high school that he and Kikyo had broken up (it was old news by then, but still) – that was when it truly hit her. When she heard the news, she had been sad for him, because she saw what it did to him. It had been evident he hadn’t been the one to end it. But at the same time, a small part of her was ecstatic, because she had hoped to have a chance with him. She helped him to climb out of the little hole he had fallen into and offered all the love and comfort she could. The only thing she didn’t do was tell him outright that she loved him. But back then, it just hadn’t seemed like a good moment, because she feared becoming a rebound-girl. She was not that type of female.

But then, Kikyo moved back and he had gone back to her like a lost puppy. They reconnected instantly and suddenly, she had been forced to share. She did her best not to let it show how much t bothered her, however. After all, Kikyo had been there long before her and she knew Inuyasha better than Kagome ever did. Besides which, he loved her, he had showed it on multiple occasions. Maybe not in the most popular way like giving her flowers and chocolate or other things, but in his own way he made it evident. Kikyo was his, he loved her and he wasn’t willing to let go, much less share. And the girl didn’t mind, of that Kagome was certain.

So she had tried to move on. It wasn’t like Inuyasha and her had ever had anything other than friendship, anyway, so it shouldn’t be too hard. She tried to notice other males, tried to forget her heart’s longing. But of course, Inuyasha had to make it hard.

Kagome never understood why he was so seemingly possessive of her, but at the beginning she hadn’t minded. It had actually warmed her heart whenever he’d get angry that some other guy was trying to get her attention. It was bordering on jealousy to the point that Kagome even believed he had fallen for her, too. But then Kikyo came and he fled to her. Kagome thought that’d be the end of it. End of the possessiveness. They’d still be friends, but if another male ever approached her, it would be up to her to tell him to back off or accept his advances.

How wrong she was.

There had been a few boys who were interested in her. There was even one she dared say she was kind of interested in, too. Kōga just had something about him that drew her in, somehow. Maybe it was his bold declarations of love once she got used to them, or maybe it was his demon-wolf blood and the prospect of something dangerous, she didn’t know. At any rate, she was willing to try, even if whatever pull she felt towards the ōkami was never as strong as the love she held for Inuyasha. But maybe, just maybe, with the help of some third person, she could forget?

Kōga was aware of her feelings, of course. She had told him, because she didn’t want him to get hurt like she was hurting, nor did she want him to feel like some replacement or rebound-guy. But the wolf hadn’t cared and had said he’d give her anything she ever needed of him. It was really sweet of him, too. Problem was, Inuyasha absolutely hated it to see her with anyone else, except maybe for one of her friends and her manager, Houshi Miroku – a known pervert and boyfriend of Taijiya Sango, Kagome’s best friend and drummer of their band.

“Alright then, let’s get going, what do you say!” Kagome shouted into the mike as she motioned for Ayame to start playing the first song. Ayame was also a wolf-demon and Kagome’s friend, as well as Kōga’s cousin. She handled the electric guitar. Smiling, the wolf demon started playing, Sango following suit quickly as did Rin and Kagura on a second guitar and the bass respectively.

Closing her eyes, Kagome sang, but her thoughts were not on the lyrics of the song, which she knew by heart, but the emotions they held. Their group always sang only one kind of songs – the kind that you write because you need an emotional let out. It was probably why they got so popular so quickly.

Song after song flowed out of her mouth without her even noticing. It was always like that. When she was on stage, she could just lose herself and sing her soul out, not that anyone except the rest of the band knew that. Some songs were well-known already and the crowd sang with her certain parts. A few times, she even stopped singing altogether and motioned for the crowd to take over for her before she jumped straight back into the song mid-verse. And the longer she sang, the lighter she felt, the sadness of her current life fleeing out of her as if it was never there to begin with.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kōga in the crowd, smiling at her and she couldn’t help but smile back. Inuyasha had always tried to keep her to himself for reasons she couldn’t fathom, since he obviously didn’t love her – he had Kikyo, after all. But this evening, she was planning on changing that. Of course, she still wanted him as a friend, she didn’t want him to vanish from her life. But she didn’t want him to chain her to him like he seemed to be doing, either. She knew she couldn’t have him, so she wanted to at least try and move on. It was him that wasn’t letting her. But she’d change that today.

“Thanks a lot guys! We’re really having a great time with you today!” Kagome yelled into the mike as she finished the last song of the evening, or almost-last, as it were. There was still one more. The most important one at that, at least where she was concerned. “Sadly, we’re almost out of songs to sing,” the crowd whined at that in complete synchronization that made Kagome laugh softly as she continued, “but to go out with a bang, our last song is a completely new one! No one has ever heard it yet and I hope you will take a liking to it! Here we go guys with ‘Let Me Live’!” she yelled into the mike and waited a little bit for the screams to subside before the music started to flow from the instruments and she waited for her cue to sing. Reflexively, her eyes found Inuyasha and she was pleased to see that he was, apparently, locking his eyes with hers. That was good. It was much more likely that he’d get the message then.

Inuyasha stared at her as the music started, observing her carefully. She was looking at him, or at least he liked to think she did. At the very least, she was staring in his direction and refusing to look away.

The ruckus made by the people around him aside, he was having a great time. He always did. When she sung, then no matter if they were at his or her home or at a concert like this time, it was just him and her as far as he was concerned. Her angelic voice would surround him like a blanket and drown out everything else. He loved that. This time wasn’t any different as Kagome started to sing, Rin and Kagura singing along with her in the background.

He frowned as the first few verses were sung. He had never heard this song before, which was to be expected, since she said it was a brand new song, but he still knew Kagome was the one who wrote it. There was just the way she sang certain songs that he knew she was the one to write them – she had told him all their songs were written by one of the band members, anyway.

But this song was different. Usually, the songs Kagome wrote were upbeat, happy. This one… he wondered what inspired her to write such lyrics. Lyrics that made him believe she was about to die and was begging to have more time on earth, though the cause of death was not mentioned. He swallowed. Was that what she was trying to say through this song? Was that why she was so down lately?

He shuddered at the thought and quickly banished it. If she were sick or anything, she wouldn’t have been able to hide it, so that wasn’t it. He was taking it too literally – assuming the reason why she was down lately would be revealed in this song. He was starting to doubt it. It sounded like she was singing to a guy whom she wanted to let her go. Maybe he was wrong, and she wasn’t the one who wrote it? She was single after all, he was sure of that.

“Thank you for coming guys! We really had a great time! Let’s meet again!” he heard Kagome’s voice again once the song finished. It had shaken him to the core, the lyrics she had performed. If she was really the one who wrote this song, then what was the reason for her to write something so sad? He didn’t get it. ‘ _I have to talk to her,_ ’ he decided then and started to move out with the rest of the crowd when it became apparent the band wouldn’t come back out to give an additional song. Inuyasha didn’t blame them, they’d been at it for a couple of hours already.

When he managed to get out into the open, he was quick to get out of the crowd and head for the back entrance, where he knew Kagome would come out. He didn’t have to wait long. Soon, the door swung open and the whole band got out with big, though tired smiles on their faces. All the band except Kagome, that is. She was always the last one to leave. Sighing, Inuyasha leaned against the wall and waited.

“You might as well leave, Inuyasha,” Ayame suddenly spoke. “I don’t think Kagome wants to see you right this moment.”

“What?” he asked, genuinely surprised, wondering what might have made the female demon say that. As far as he knew, Kagome didn’t have any reason to be mad at him and they hadn’t argued lately, so why would the black haired girl be against seeing him? Ayame shrugged and didn’t say anything else.

“Well, let’s go, guys. I want to get the Hell out of here before any passage is blocked by all the paparazzi and such,” Sango said loudly and the rest of the group nodded and started to leave. Inuyasha cocked an eyebrow.

“What about Kagome?” he asked. Normally, they came as a group and left as a group, the band and Miroku plus him. So why weren’t they waiting this time like usual?

“Oh, don’t worry, Kōga said he’ll give Kagome a lift home,” Rin said as she waved her hand, unconcerned. She didn’t notice the way Inuyasha tensed. None of them did as they left without looking back, already making plans for the rest of the evening. Inuyasha clenched his fists. Kōga? Giving Kagome a lift? No way would he allow that. If anything, he’d take her home. The wolf should keep his stinky claws to himself.

Inuyasha was seriously contemplating just charging in there and beating Kōga’s lights out, but before he could do so, the door swung open once again and Kagome came out, together with Kōga. She was smiling at him and was answering her with a wolfish grin that made Inuyasha’s hackles rise. He growled and Kōga glanced briefly at him over Kagome’s shoulder, but proceeded then to ignore him and didn’t alert Kagome to his presence behind her.

“Well, were do you wish to go, Kagome? Back to your place? Or would you like to stop by some restaurant to eat?” he asked, making Kagome blink.

“This late at night? You think there will still be something open except a bar?” she asked doubtfully, oblivious to the angry hanyō behind her, too used to feeling his aura nearby to really notice it. Kōga chuckled.

“The kitchen of my home is always open to you, you know. I’m sure the cook won’t mind, and neither will my parents or Ayame,” he said, reminding her that he wasn’t a wolf prince for nothing. Sure, his family didn’t rule any lands like they did in the past, but they were still wealthy enough to say among friends that they were an old royal family, though no one truly took them seriously. Still, his house was definitely big enough to be called a villa and his dining room was definitely what one could call a private restaurant, complete with a chef cook, a menu and everything. Smiling, Kagome was about to give a mock-curtsy and pretend to be ‘honored that his highness invited her’, but before she could crack the joke, she felt a strong hand on her arm as someone pulled her away from the wolf and into a hard chest.

“She ain’t interested. Back off, wolf-shit,” a very familiar voice growled and she froze, the familiar ache in her heart once again starting to manifest.

“Inuyasha…” she whispered in disbelief. She didn’t try to wiggle out of his grasp, knowing it would be useless. He was so much stronger than her. He’d only let her go if she tried to fry him with her miko energy, but she could never do that to him or any other demon, for that matter. The exception would be self-defense, of course. If she had the choice between hurt or be hurt, she’d choose frying someone in a heartbeat, though she’d make certain she wouldn’t kill. And she would feel bad for burning the person afterwards, anyway.

“How would you know, mutt-face? And what are you doing here, anyway? Why don’t you go off to your bitch and leave Kagome alone?” Kōga asked, his words causing Inuyasha to snarl, but Kagome held him back. She somehow always managed to calm him, no matter how pissed he was and this was no exception. Kōga sighed and glanced at her. In that moment, Inuyasha could swear that a silent message passed between the two, but since Kagome had her back to him, he couldn’t be sure. He smirked, however, when Kōga’s shoulders slumped and he turned to leave. “I’ll wait for you at the car,” he said calmly before walking off.

“Don’t bother,” Inuyasha growled after him and held Kagome even closer. He heard her sigh.

“Let me go, Inuyasha,” she mumbled softly and he complied, albeit reluctantly. She stepped away from him, then turned to face him and he almost recoiled at the sadness in her eyes, in her whole expression. She wasn’t trying to hide it for once, and thus, for the first time, he noticed just how much she was hurting – though he still didn’t know the reason for it.

“Kagome,” he almost whined as he reached for her, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and protect her from the world. To make whatever was making her sad disappear. But she took a step back and distanced herself from him. She had never done that before and it caused him to still, his hand slowly dropping to his side. His eyes never left hers. “What’s wrong?” he asked, and she laughed at him. It made him shudder. It wasn’t a cheerful laugh. It was broken. It was a sound he never wanted to hear from her again. It wasn’t her!

“You don’t get it, do you,” she said, more than asked, as she closed her eyes and lowered her head. For some reason, her words made his heart lurch in his chest and he could swear something very heavy settled in his stomach. He gulped slightly, nervous for reasons he couldn’t name. But he knew one thing. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong.

“Get what?” he asked, although he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know the answer. Kagome answered his question with one of her own, but all it did was confuse him further… and cause a small lump to form in his throat.

“Why do you keep doing this to me?”

“Doing what?”

“This!” she suddenly exploded, raising her arms as if the answer was all around her. “Any guy who ever shows any kind of interest in me, you always shoo him away! And when someone gets more persistent, like Kōga, you make it your life’s goal to make sure he never lays a hand on me! Why? Why can’t you just let me decide on my own who I want to hang out with and who I want gone?”

“I’m only protecting you!” Inuyasha shouted back, her words angering him. He was only looking out for her, couldn’t she see that? “Kōga is a wolf, Kagome! All he wants is a piece of ass, they all do!”

“You don’t know that! You don’t know anything about him, you never even tried to get to know him, so how would you know? Because of stereotypes? You of all people should know that such opinions are bullshit!” she yelled back, effectively silencing him. She was right, he did know. He was on the receiving end of such opinions because of his heritage most of his life. “Why do you even care?” Now _that_ was not something he expected her to ask. What did she mean by ‘why did he care’? He had plenty of reasons to care, damn it!

“I care because I’m your friend!” they were both back to yelling again.

“I’m your friend, too! And yet I don’t shoo away every female that approaches you and I don’t try to make Kikyo leave you alone, either!”

“Don’t bring Kikyo into this!”

“I will bring her into it, because despite what you might think, she has everything to do with it,” Kagome answered sharply. When he opened his mouth to retort, she didn’t give him the chance to as much as get one sound out. “She’s your girlfriend. As such, I have no say in what she and you do together. But, seeing as you’re taken, you shouldn’t concern yourself with who I hang around with. I’m not yours,” _no matter how much I want to be,_ she thought to herself, but did not let those thoughts be said aloud, “so if I decide to go off with some guy and actually have fun, you shouldn’t be concerned by it. You have Kikyo. I don’t have anyone. Why? Because you just have to keep getting in the way! I’m sick of it! At the very least, tell me why? Why won’t you allow me to try and be happy, Inuyasha?”

He didn’t, _couldn’t_ answer her, too stunned to even form a coherent thought. But Kagome didn’t really expect him to answer, and she didn’t wait long for him to, either. Her next words, however, shook him harder than he ever thought possible. They were like a slap to the face. A slap powered with priestess energy.

“Let me live, Inuyasha” Kagome said calmly, her voice sad as she turned her back on him. “Just let me live.”

And with that, she walked off to where she knew Kōga’s car was, leaving the stunned Inuyasha behind.

The words of the song rang in his head again, though he had heard it only once, suddenly having a whole new meaning as he realized it had been _him_ she had been singing to. Staggering backwards, he leaned against the wall of the building. Had he been hurting her? Was he… really the reason why she was so down lately?

His breath hitched when he recalled the lines about tearing her heart apart. Had he really been doing that to her? Had he really been hurting her so much when all he did was try to protect her… make sure she didn’t leave him?

He paused at that, though he admitted that the thought was nothing new. He had known for a long while that he didn’t want Kagome to ever leave him, but now, he realized he might have caused just that. Something squeezed painfully inside him at the thought. Would she leave him now? The song mentioned something about a new start. Did that mean she wanted to start something new… and leave him behind?

He hoped – prayed – that was not the case. He didn’t want to lose her friendship.

Sighing, Inuyasha pushed himself off the building and slowly got to his car, then drove home. He didn’t even notice when he got there, much less when he reached his bed, his thoughts far too chaotic and numb at the same time to care. He fell into a restless sleep thinking of Kagome, his dreams filled with images of her with another guy, leaving him behind, forgetting he ever even existed.

He never called Kikyo back.

XxX

It’d been a few months since that fateful concert. He barely spoke to Kagome after that. Not that she explicitly told him to leave her alone, but Inuyasha was never quite capable of really looking her in the eyes after that argument they had. She still treated him the same, at first, but with the way he was acting, she slowly gave up.

He saw her surprisingly often, though, and not only on videos of her past concerts or the concerts he still kept going to. She didn’t go to his college – with her career, she didn’t need any more education, nor did she have time for it. But Kōga went to that same college and he knew they were together now. Had been since that same evening when she told him off.

Inuyasha whined softly to himself as he saw her again, in the same spot as always by the gate, going on her tiptoes to give Kōga a hello kiss on the cheek. He wanted to go right over there, take her in his arms and never let go. He wanted to be in Kōga’s place right now. Gods, he _missed_ her. But she was happy now and he just didn’t want to ruin it. He didn’t want to hurt her again. Never again.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he slowly took it out to read the message. It was from Kikyo.

They had broken up again shortly after Kagome’s concert, though they were still friends and on good terms. He had been the one to end it this time, though, even though she was the one to be the first to notice just what was probably wrong with him – meaning he was in love with someone else.

The first time she told him he looked like the one he loved left him, Inuyasha considered for the first time his feelings for Kagome. He had always thought they were just good friends – best friends, maybe, but only friends. But did it really hurt so fucking much when you lost a friend? Hell, even when Kikyo broke up with him the first time around it didn’t hurt this much. It had taken only a couple of hours of thought for him to realize that Kikyo was most likely right. He was in love, just not with her.

He broke up with her then, since he didn’t want to hold her where he knew she wouldn’t be happy. She wasn’t too broken over it. Turned out she had found someone else she was interested in, and although their relationship wasn’t anywhere near advanced enough to be considered cheating, it was advanced enough for Kikyo to know that what she had with Inuyasha was not love. Their parting had been amicable, and the relationship afterwards as well.

‘ _Suikotsu’s throwing a party this weekend. Wanna come? As a change of routine?_ ’ he read and actually thought about it before replying. Normally, he would decline. He was in absolutely no mood to party. But maybe that’s what he needed? After all, what else was there to do? Sit on his couch and drown in memories of days that would never return? That didn’t sound very appealing.

Inuyasha sighed as he looked up again, seeing Kagome laugh at something Kōga said to her as they walked off towards his car (or maybe it was hers?), Sango and Miroku already waiting for them there. They obviously had some plans for the afternoon and were waiting for the wolf to finish his classes. Inuyasha’s heart cracked and he looked away. _I used to be the one who hung out with them,_ he reminded himself, his insides twisting painfully as Kagome’s laugh still rang in his ears. But it hadn’t been him who had caused the sound this time and he never would again. He shook his head.

‘ _Sure, sounds like a good idea_ ,’ he texted back. He really needed to get his head out of the past and focus on the future. Kagome had moved on and didn’t miss him at all – she had most likely forgotten about him, and as much as the thought felt like a punch to his stomach, he needed to accept it and do the same. He had to move on. A party his ex’s new friend was throwing was a good enough start.

XxX

The place was loud, but that was to be expected. It was crowded. Very crowded. He only saw a comparable crowd at Kagome’s concerts. But then, the crowd was noisy in another way. It was loud because they were yelling for the group to come out, to start singing. Here, they were loud because they had to yell to talk and be heard over the atrociously loud music that kept blaring from the speakers, while others laughed as they danced to said music.

He was in a far corner of the room, hidden in shadows, alone save a glass of some alcohol. It had been his only partner throughout the evening so far – the alcohol, not the glass, of course – but he didn’t even feel lightheaded. He was hanyō. He’d have to drink a couple of liters of alcohol to get drunk, and he was still far away from it. In fact, he believed it was impossible for him to get drunk in just one evening, unless it was his human night. In twenty four hours if he drank nothing else, maybe, but definitely not in one evening.

He didn’t mingle much, preferring to stay in his corner. The only times he moved was when his glass was empty and he decided to refill it or take another one. He saw Kikyo with Suikotsu on occasion somewhere in the crowd, dancing most of the time, but he didn’t bother them. A few times he even thought he saw Kagome, but that just had to have been his imagination – his mind conjuring her image so he could suffer some more. For what would she be doing here? He didn’t think there was anyone here who even knew her, maybe except Kikyo and himself.

He didn’t know it yet, but he was in fact very wrong. Fate was cruel indeed.

“Alright, alright, calm down people!” Suikotsu suddenly called into a microphone when the music stopped. It took a while for all the chapter to quiet down, but when it did, the rather sudden silence still rang in the hanyō’s ears. “Now, all of you know the reason for this party, don’t you?” Suikotsu asked and Inuyasha narrowed his eyes as the crowd yelled an affirmative. He didn’t notice before, but there wasn’t only a mike, there was a set of drums and three guitars there, as well. _What the Hell would that be needed for? Does he plan on having someone play?_ Inuyasha wondered, his heart rate picking up for reasons unknown to him.

“…And you all know how he is, when Bankotsu wants something, he certainly gets it, especially on his birthday, because who can say no to the birthday guy, right!” Suikotsu’s words broke through his thoughts, as did the laughs of all of the invited, and he concentrated on what was being said again. “So guess what he did? He walked up to one of his best buddies, who just so happens to be the manager of a certain band,” the crowd laughed again, all but Inuyasha whose eyes suddenly widened. _No… no fucking way,_ he thought, although deep in his heart he knew that it was for naught. Fate really loved to screw with him, it would seem. Suikotsu’s next words just barely registered in his brain. “And he talked to the band members, as you can all assume. So now, here I am, presenting Shikon Miko to you!” he yelled as he stepped off the make-shift stage and the girls walked onto it, each at the correct instrument and Kagome up front at the mike.

His breath caught in his throat as he saw her. She was beautiful. So painfully beautiful that he wanted to crawl to her on all fours and beg her to give him another chance, to take him back. But he knew it couldn’t be, because right there next to the stage stood Kōga and he was looking up at Kagome in that special way Inuyasha had once looked at Kikyo. She was forever out of his reach and he had to accept that…

But why did it still hurt so much to be reminded of it?

“Hi there, everyone! I hope you’re all having a great time,” Kagome’s angelic voice reached his ears. His grip on his glass tightened as he forced himself not to look up at her again, as he had lowered his head soon after she mounted the stage. He was afraid that if he _did_ look up at her, his feeble control would snap and he’d either break down or run over to her and plead to take him back.

The last couple of months, he had been dying inside. He still was. And he wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

“So, some of you might know, but we spent the evening walking around and randomly asking people for their favorite song by us. Now, I’m sure you wondered why.” Another collective affirmative and Inuyasha was sure Kagome was smiling when she continued talking. “The thing is, we and Bankotsu had a deal. We would play two songs, one he wanted, and one the audience would unknowingly vote on. If they happened to be one and the same, well then it would mean one song and one song only. So, let’s start with Bankotsu’s request!” the crowd cheered again as the girls started playing, Kagome joining them with the lyrics soon enough. Inuyasha recognized the song, though he couldn’t remember what they named it.

He was shaken out of his own little world, a world where Kagome was still his best friend and everything was alright, which Kagome’s singing voice had sent him into, when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder to get his attention. Opening his eyes, not even knowing when he had closed them, he looked up and saw Kikyo, her face ashen and her expression apologetic and guilty.

“He didn’t tell me he planned something like that. I swear, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I did, really,” she tried to apologize, knowing how this must be for him, or at least imagining it. He shook his head slightly.

“It’s fine,” he told her, though his voice didn’t sound convincing even to himself. Not with the way it cracked and definitely not considering he sounded like he was dying inside – which he was.

“I’m really sorry,” Kikyo repeated again.

“Don’t be. You didn’t know. I don’t blame you,” he said, his eyes shifting to look over her shoulder. “Someone’s waiting for you. You should go,” he said. Kikyo turned around to glance at Suikotsu, but she didn’t walk away, turning back to Inuyasha instead, her eyes filled with worry. He sighed. “Go. I’m fine and I’ll be fine,” he said again, not wanting to ruin her evening. She finally nodded and turned to walk away, but not without glancing at him over her shoulder again as she weaved her way through the crowd towards her new boyfriend. Inuyasha sighed, knowing she knew he was lying through his teeth. He wasn’t alright and he knew he wouldn’t be alright until he let Kagome go.

Only that seemed impossible to do.

He whined to himself, the sound lost in the cheers of the crowd as the first song came to an end.

“Thanks a lot everyone! Now, for the second song, the one you guys requested unknowingly! Try to guess the name, let’s see if you get it!” Kagome teased, though it was certain everyone would recognize it. He felt as if a knife had been pushed into his gut and twisted mercilessly when he heard the first notes. When he heard the first lines of the lyrics, he thought someone had started to twist his innards into painful knots while setting them aflame at the same time. He’d recognize that particular song even if he was dead-drunk and passed out from it.

She was singing ‘Let Me Live’.

The glass slipped out of his grasp and crashed to the floor, but he didn’t notice as he instead hugged his middle, as if the pain was indeed originating from there. He squeezed his eyes shut and flattened his ears against his scalp, wishing to block out the music and her voice, wishing he could just get the Hell out of there. But he couldn’t do either. His legs didn’t obey him and the noise was too loud for his sensitive ears not to catch. Not able to stop it, his mind brought back images of that evening. That evening when he lost her…

He inched further into the dark corner, wishing he could disappear. Just vanish into thin air. It was too much. He couldn’t take it. He started to shake and before he even realized what was happening, his legs gave way under him and he slid down the wall and to the ground, resting his forehead on his knees as he tried to control his emotions. His eyes remained dry, but with the way he was shaking, no one would believe he wasn’t crying if they saw him right now, the epitome of woe.

Another chocked whine escaped his throat, the sound lost to the growing chatter as music started up again, Kagome’s song having ended a couple of minutes earlier, though it still sounded in his head. He had to get out of there. He couldn’t stay anymore.  If he stayed any longer, he’d fall apart at the seams.

Heck, he was falling apart already. It wouldn’t take much more for him to break down, he knew, but he absolutely refused to break down in front of so many people. He still had some pride left, he wasn’t planning on losing it.

He stood slowly, leaning on the wall to not fall over again. His legs felt like jelly and he was lightheaded and nauseous, as if he had drunk too much, though he knew that wasn’t the case. He staggered slowly out of the room, then towards the door, too desperate to leave to even search out Kikyo to say goodbye. He’d talk to her later, when he was calmer.

Someone must have been out to get him, though, because when he finally reaches the door and got outside, he stumbled right on Kagome, talking with Bankotsu. Not wanting to be seen by her, as then she’d inevitably want to talk and he didn’t want her to see the state he was in, Inuyasha quickly hid behind a nearby tree, afraid that if he got back into the house, they’d stumble upon him when walking back in. His ears twitched on his head, unwillingly listening in on their conversation.

“That was some performance out there,” he heard Bankotsu say. Kagome laughed merrily.

“Thanks,” she said simply.

“I wish I could listen to you sing more often.”

“Buy some CDs then, or try coming to a concert.”

“No, I mean hearing you sing. Not with your band. Just you,” Bankotsu said. Kagome laughed outright, not missing what he was suggesting but finding the way he tried to win her over hilarious.

“Sorry, I don’t give individual performances,” she replied slyly, chuckling when Bankotsu made a big show of being hurt by her words. That’s what she liked about him, the way he exaggerated everything to make her laugh. “Besides, you know I’m taken,” she said. Bankotsu sighed.

“And there’s no way to make you change your mind? No way for you to reconsider who you want to be with?” he asked. Kagome gave him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, but I’m afraid not. I’m happy right where I am,” she answered and Bankotsu sighed in defeat.

“He doesn’t know how lucky he is,” he said and after a quick goodbye, he went back inside. Kagome waved after him before she turned to leave also.

Was Kōga really so lucky? She wouldn’t be able to tell, she didn’t think of herself as anything extraordinary, but Kōga thought differently and he wasn’t the only one. She smiled at the thought. She liked to be special to someone. Who wouldn’t be?

She was about to walk off, deciding to call it a night, when a certain aura brushed against hers and made her stop. Turning around, she tried to see him, but he was nowhere in sight. But she knew this was not her imagination, nor did she make a mistake. His aura was one she would always recognize.

She was surprised, however. She didn’t know he was at the party. If she had, she would have probably tried to find him and talk to him. She never wanted their friendship to break off so suddenly, after all, but with how distant he had become, it was hard to keep it afloat. That didn’t mean she didn’t miss the hanyō from time to time.

Another second of concentration and she had pinpointed his location behind a tree near the entrance of the house. She frowned. Was he hiding from her? If he was, then she didn’t want to force him to talk to her. Nodding to herself, she called his name. If he decided not to respond, then she’d pretend she didn’t know he was there and just walk away.

“Inuyasha?”

He cursed under his breath, knowing he had been found. He couldn’t hide from her now. His fists clenched at his sides as his whole body started to shake again, his chest feeling like it was being ripped apart. He couldn’t face her. He didn’t know what he’d do if he did, but he knew it would only end up hurting her and he didn’t want that. But what could he do to avoid it? Any minute now, she’d get frustrated by his lack of response and walk over to him. He knew her well enough to know that was exactly what Kagome would do.

Inuyasha was surprised, however, when he merely heard a soft sigh and then the sound of retreating footsteps. His eyes snapped wide open and before he could stop himself, he peeked out from behind the tree, though his ears already told him what was happening.

His eyes fell on her retreating back.

She was walking away.

At that very moment, something within him cracked, broke, then fell apart completely. Suddenly, it got hard to breathe and his vision blurred. He blinked, trying to focus again, but the sight of her going away only twisted the proverbial knife that was still stuck in his gut.

“Kagome…” he croaked, his voice suddenly refusing to cooperate, as if he hadn’t used it in a very long while. _Don’t go away! Turn around, please! Don’t… don’t leave… please… don’t leave me behind… please, Kagome!_ His mind yelled frantically, but he couldn’t force his voice to work and his legs were shaking far too strongly under him to ever hope he could run after her. And she was still walking, not turning around even once. A choked whimper made its way out of his closed throat, the sound as pathetic and pitiful as he certainly looked. As if hearing it, Kagome stopped and he couldn’t help but plead with her to turn around, to acknowledge him, to remember him…

Gods, he needed her. He missed her. He loved her. He couldn’t go on without her, not any longer. He had reached his limit.

In reality, Kagome didn’t stop because she heard him. She was only human and her hearing wasn’t anywhere near good enough to hear such a soft sound. But much like Inuyasha couldn’t block out her songs earlier, she couldn’t block out the feel of his aura. And that was what made her stop, for she had never before felt such negative emotions coming off it, especially not negative emotions other than anger.

Turning around slowly, she saw him as he stepped out from behind the tree he was hiding behind a couple of moments earlier and she had to stifle a gasp. Without really realizing it, she walked back over to him, her gaze worried as she took in his form.

She had planned to ask him how he was and what he was doing now, if she were to run into him. But now that she had, there was really only one question she could possibly ask.

“Dear Lord, what happened to you?” she asked in a mere whisper when she was right in front of him. He was pale, so pale she could almost think he was sick, had it not been for the fact that he was a half-demon. There were dark bags under his eyes, signifying a lack of sleep, and that had to mean he hadn’t slept for a really long while, again, because he was hanyō. Hanyō could go without sleep and be fine much longer than humans, so for him not to sleep and for it to be visible, it had to mean a really good number of sleepless nights. His hair was messy and his cheeks were sunken, he probably wasn’t eating right. But the thing that worried her the most were his eyes – the once vibrant, golden eyes, once so full of life and light were now a dull, dead yellow, a poor imitation of the original, rich golden color. The drooped ears at the top of his head completed the overall pathetic look.

“Nothing happened,” he answered her in a low tone. Even his voice was off. It sounded so… broken. Defeated. Dead. “I’m fine.” She frowned at that. She hated it when he lied, especially if the lie was so obvious.

“Like Hell you are,” she said angrily, reaching up to touch his face and force him to make eye-contact with her without thinking. “You know I hate it when you’re lying, Inuyasha, so if you don’t want me to know, tell me to ‘fuck off’, tell me it’s ‘none of my fucking business’, tell me anything you want, but don’t try to tell me you’re fine when you’re obviously not. What. Happened?” she asked again, her eyes flashing, daring him to lie again.

He took in a shaky breath. This was too much. She was so close. He could smell her heavenly scent. If he just reached out a hand, he would be able to touch her. She was so close…

He couldn’t take it. Before he could even try to think about what he was doing, he reached out and hugged her, his eyes shut tightly as he hid his nose in her hair and breathed in her scent, another whimper escaping his throat when he smelt Kōga’s scent marring her natural one – but he was hurting far too much to get angry.

Kagome was shocked, to say the least. Her first instinct was to push him away, and she even put her hands on his chest to do just that, but when she had, his grip only tightened, as if he knew what she was going to do and wanted to plead with her not to. She blinked in surprise.

“Inuyasha?” she asked in a small voice, wondering what this was all about. His grip was strong, like he never wanted to let go, it was desperate… and yet at the same time Kagome knew that if she tried to push him away, she would easily get out of his grasp. Kōga never held her like that. Whenever they hugged, it was certain Kagome would never get out of his grasp if he didn’t want her to leave his arms, not that it ever bothered her. Right now, Inuyasha seemed to want to hold her like this, too – only he definitely lacked the strength to do so, or at least that was the impression Kagome got. “Inuyasha, what’s wrong?”

“Please…” was all he answered, his voice cracking and quivering like she never heard it do before. He was coming undone and he couldn’t find the strength to stop it. Gods, he needed her. If only she’d give him another chance. Just one more. He’d never do any wrong by her again, never again. “Please, come back to me.”

Kagome froze in his arms, her eyes widening. He couldn’t have said what he just thought he said, could he? Oh, how long had she waited for those words. How long had she waited for him to tell her he wanted to be with her. And yet, it was far too late now. She had waited and the words hadn’t come, so she stopped waiting. She had let go. She had moved on. It was just too late.

“Inuyasha…”

“Give me another chance,” the hanyō interrupted her, his voice pleading. “Please, Kagome, please give me another chance. Come back to me. Don’t leave me behind, please. I… I need you, Kagome… please… please,” he whimpered into her hair, holding her to him, afraid she would push him away and laugh, saying it was far too late. He knew he wouldn’t be able to take that kind of hit. In fact, he wouldn’t be able to take anything more, period. He’d reached his limit. He had reached his breaking point and could now only hope she would relent. Just one more chance. That was all he needed, all he would ever ask for. “Please…”

Kagome sighed as she contemplated how to answer him, her arms slowly sneaking around him in an attempt to bring comfort, knowing her words could do no such thing. Something tingled in her mind as she felt another aura approach, and she knew Kōga was about to come and get her, but she didn’t break out of the embrace, trusting him not to jump to conclusions. Inuyasha needed this now and she couldn’t be cruel enough to deny him what little comfort she could offer.

“Inuyasha,” he heard her say softly, feeling slightly better as he felt her hug him back. Everything will be alright now. They’ll be together and everything will be fine, as it should be. He’ll spend eternity making it up to her, but it’ll be fine… “I can’t.”

And just like that, what was left of his battered heart shattered into a million pieces and he froze, pleading with whatever kami would listen to him that this wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. She didn’t say what he just thought she said. She couldn’t have. He had to be hearing things…

“I’m sorry,” he heard her whisper and it only tore into him further. How was it possible that he wasn’t bleeding yet? “We can be friends, like we used to be. We can stay in touch. But… I can’t be with you like that. Not anymore. I… don’t feel like I felt back then.”

“Don’t say that,” he interrupted her weakly, his voice desperate and pleading even as it broke. “Please, don’t say that. You don’t mean it… please… tell me you don’t mean it… please… Kagome… just one chance… give me just one more chance… please… I’m begging you… please.”

“I’m sorry,” was all she said in response, effectively killing whatever sliver of desperate hope had still been in him. His eyes opened, even duller than before, and his arms slowly fell away from her as something deep inside him rived and caused almost all of his remaining strength to seep out of him. She took that as her cue to step away as well. He wanted to just grab her and never let her go, but he didn’t have enough strength left to lift his arms and reach for her. Truly, he was surprised he was even still standing. “I really am.”

“Don’t… Don’t be,” he forced himself to say. If he had enough strength left to care, he would have been ashamed at how weak, how absolutely broken he sounded. But he didn’t. He just couldn’t force himself to. He had tried. He had lost. It was over. She was gone and would never come back. Not as he wanted… no, needed her to. She was forever out of his reach.

“I’m really sorry,” she said as she reached out to grab one of his hands in her own. He barely bit back another whimper, knowing the gesture was meant as one of comfort, but hardly bringing him any. He didn’t step away from her, though, too weak to fight her. “We can still be friends, though. Like we used to be?” she sounded hopeful and it made something within him twist again, as if he weren’t in enough pain as it was. But it was either that or let go of her completely, and he couldn’t do that. He needed her. If he couldn’t have her… well, he’d take what he could get.

“Yeah… I’d… like that,” she whispered out, not looking at her, hoping he sounded sincere though he knew he was lying. Being her friend would never be enough. Seeing her with another would kill him. And yet when he was forced to choose between that and letting her completely vanish out of his life, like the past couple of months… he just couldn’t do it.

Maybe he could manage to convince her to only meet him alone? Or at least not be too overly affectionate with the wolf whenever they met? That way… he could at least pretend, if only for a little while. He could imagine he never fucked up with her, could dream he had realized what he really felt sooner, he could tell himself that she was with him and everything was alright, if only for a couple of hours.

“Well… I need to get going,” she said slowly and he could only nod. She gave him a tiny smile, hoping to give him at least a little bit of comfort since she, of all people, knew exactly what it felt like when the one you loved left you for another. She never wanted him to feel this way, but it had happened and it was out of her hands by that point. She had waited. He had just taken too long.

“I’ll see you around?” she offered meekly, slowly taking a couple of steps away. He slowly raised his head, only now realizing that Kōga was there and she was walking towards him as she inched away from him. An unusually large lump formed in his throat – large enough to not only make it hard to swallow and talk, but even to breathe. How long had the wolf been there? How much had he heard?

Inuyasha was surprised to realize that he didn’t even care about that anymore.

“Yeah… See you,” he answered quietly as he looked at his feet. Kōga led her away after that, surprisingly not laughingly pointing out how Kagome was now his. Inuyasha knew, however, that even if he had, he wouldn’t have responded. He was just hurting too fucking much to care.

He didn’t notice when he started walking towards his apartment. He didn’t notice when he got there, either. Sesshōmaru could have walked in right now wearing nothing but a woman’s bikini and singing some Christmas carol and he wouldn’t have noticed. He was as responsive as a zombie right now.

When he actually registered he was back at his apartment, he went straight for his room, not bothering to shower or eat. He knew if he tried to swallow anything, it would just come right back up, so he decided to forgo even the attempt. Without getting out of his clothes, he collapsed on his bed, briefly taking note that her scent still lingered on his garments. But that didn’t make him feel any better.

A broken sob escaped his throat as he curled into a tight ball on the bed, no longer able to hold himself together. It didn’t matter anyway. He was alone, so even if he did break down, no one would ever know. It would always be that way, too. He was alone. He would always be alone. Forever, and then some more.

Another sob escaped him as he caved in and let the tears flow, hoping to at least find some solace in his dreams yet knowing that it would never come. _Kagome… Kagome…_ she was all he could think about, all he needed, all he wanted… and yet, she was forever out of his grasp, out of his reach, just barely close enough to see. It would never change, either. She would forever stay just barely in his sight, even if they were friends, for he could never touch her.

“Kagome…” he whimpered out, more tears escaping his tightly-shut eyes. He needed her. Gods, he needed her. He couldn’t live without her.

And yet… he had to

**~*~*~*~*~*~***

**Well… Originally, this was supposed to be a song-fic to Queen’s ‘Let me Live’. Originally, it wasn’t supposed to be nearly as long as it got. Originally, it was supposed to have a happy InuKag ending. But then, as I saw how this was going, I just thought “get real.”**

**I hope this is to your liking.**

**Update 19/11/2012: FanArt info. Yes,** **there’s someone thinking this story is actually good enough to draw fan-art for it (and she’s crazy enough to publish it, too, given it had been the ‘joke’ about Sesshōmaru that inspired her). For anyone brave enough to go check it out (believe me, it’s worth it if you’re looking for a good laugh), here’s the link: http://ksavvyx3.deviantart.com/#/d5l6v57 Hope you get a laugh out of it :]**


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